‘If you go down to the woods today, you better beware of it’
‘Stephen Henry Hall & his Orchestra King’

Its smooth brown distinguished hulk sauntered delicately across the path and paused. Its surroundings inconsequential as it turned to stare, unfazed, motionless, as it casually disappeared into the summer’s tall grass. All the while and as gently I could so as not to startle, I tugged at Cherry’s lead while reaching in my pocket.

There it isn’t
here neither

Sometimes I keep it on a socket and sometimes in my sock, but never under my hat like Paddington’s lot.

Begrudged, Cherry lifted her snout from its seasonal aromas and followed my lead. We stalked where it grazed some 40ft ahead in the thicket. I had it in my sights, and like Christopher Walken the image was, pfff, gone.

where’d it go, it was right there
cracks in the wicket already

A full day passed with three more walks for Cherry. Three more bouquets of the forests to nose-bottle and devour till full. I have a craving for pastrami and ponder if Moeen ‘and his beard’ Ali will return for the Ashes.

Early Wednesday morning and there it stood again, majestic, in command. The other side of the valley this time, lakeside. An echoeing clipping sound first registered in dawn’s rising scotch egg. Tap a tap tap, it crossed the raised wooden path, then just as before stopped in the shadows of the wood and looked, doe eyed and stock still,  staring straight at us, not 20 feet from us this time. Cherry, unaware, sniffed the undergrowth where we stood, I fumbled in my pocket, seconds in time immortal lost in slow motion, click and click, click and pfff, it was gone.

there it isn’t again

Cherry sniffed some more and we walked on. Cherry marched straight past where it stood only seconds ago, bold as brass, seemingly with its hands on hips, staring us down. Perhaps she, for now her familiarity virtued recognition opposed to an it, was indeed locked in our headlights, she, Cherry,  oh hang on, I’m confused now, ignored it’s scent, oblivious and trotted on, stopping 100 yards away and took a dump… Cherry, not me or it or she.

More intrepid tales from the woods next time…

…now to dump some World News your way…

true dat

BRICS have found themselves in bother, more so the South African branch. Mad Vlad of the ‘R’ contingent is due for a summit in SA in August, which puts the Saffers in a mildly precarious decision, for though officially neutral they don’t really want to be seen entertaining Putin, especially after an International Criminal Court issued his arrest as recently as March. Everyone is hoping he just doesn’t come.

We asked Durban’s No.1 Tom Jones impersonator what his mother thought…

who needs Tom’s version
Tom lives over that hill

Japan continues to distance itself from China, ‘row you swines, row’, or in old money, ‘ low lou slines low,’ with restrictions on exporting its semiconductor manufacturing. Japan and China have always had a precarious position between themselves, but as Alessio Patalano, an Asian defence expert at Kings College London says ‘this is significant’ and, ‘it signals closer ties for research and development with the US, as well as a desire to reduce its trade dependency on China.’

Is it back!?


June: northern hemisphere – good time to harvest your peas, broad beans, new potatoes and strawberries – use water from your washing up for the garden and sow pak choi, broccoli and spring onions.


LA vacant office space is at 30%, which means postdemic survivors are not returning to the work office arena. This also rings true across Atlanta, Philadelphia, Washington and Chicago. However, downtown LA still hankered by homelessness does have vibrant nightlife courtesy of cafes and bars and galleries and the like. Ooh, we like do like the like. Lower rental costs have helped business spaces flourish, plus the future will bring more homes according to restricted zoning rules allowing vacant offices to be made into homes.

Those hardy survivors, well it is LA.

survivors at the Cricks at 6

The US will open their northern most station with a single diplomat/ consular above the Arctic Circle in a town called Tromso in Norway. Malice, as it twinned with, will provide a ‘peaceful, stable and corporative Arctic’ – What a job, one person, bugger all to do except drink with the locals in perpetual daylight or darkness and open the weekly diplomatic bag for home grown goodies.

some cohorts form Citrus Wagons had 6 more

Up the ‘ammers

Greek company Tobea have invented Seatrac a track for wheelchair users to be hoisted straight into the briny via remote control. Cool huh. Seatrac will be installed on 220 beaches up and down Greek land with operations also in Italy, Cyprus and Latvia. Plans are afoot for US, UK, Spain and Turkey – hold up, UK, what sadistic bastard put that on the list.

today, then

‘I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go’
‘Shut up, it” be good for you. Got leeches for tea too.’

or just the best worst bits

Till next time f-f-f-folks… keep ‘em peeled
Pip pip, ding-dong and ticketyboo
Keep it turning, keep it wheel – keep it radioprimco


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