‘She put de lime in de coconut, she drank ’em bot’ up’
‘Harry – he ain’t had my mackerel – Nilsson’

I’ll tell you what, cold beans aint hot. Spontaneous cooking is insane. Cooking for yourself blows the bejeeber-lid off. Experiment. Burn. Spice it up to factor sizzling nostril hairs on the sneeze. Go mental. Whoa, dat hot. Man dat gooood.

Monday always used to cradle spag bol at its belly in our house. The staple go-to. Easy Monday delights. Retrieved fresh from fermenting in the freezer. It’s a hassle-free no brain operational Monday belter, and just a pot of boiled pasta away. Just a Bob Mortimer – and away.

Calendar changes on the feeding front have left Monday to my own devices. And they probably shouldn’t’ve (it’s a word). Winter toe curlers would once cuddle a spicy Indian to warm the cockles… Nurse… but now on these fiery summer days mackerel has become Monday. Last night’s twist cherished a full blown kiln smoked kippers with three smackerels of chili and zing up your life veg, garnering all the burnt bits, which as we know thanks to A Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, are a food group of their own.

Mackerel Monday, yes, I like it, find a mackerel man and report all doings on mackerel. Any suggestions welcome. Mackerel Man, whom we will do an un-bridled piece on to let the world know about Mackerel Man.

kippers n 3 chilies

Till then, can you use coffee pods as an instant brew?

  1. Tear off the café au lait top. Use scissors, they’re tough buggers. It doesn’t have a peel off lid like on milk. Popped it in your mug and wait.
  2. Taste: Tastes like piss. With a hint of coffee.
a lake where I go to walk my chilis

On that world breaker let’s go to World News…  

aint dat da truth

Back in 1993 Rural Studio was formed as an off campus architecture gig borne out of Alabama’s Auburn University. Designed to help neglected areas, a team of students build structures combined with a sense of community from the ground up. Anchoring no build experience, teams raise funds, source materials and provide services to communities free of charge. Lecturer Adam Davies, ‘what we’re doing is teaching architecture and how to build houses. As a by-product someone gets a house.’

Pubs Alan, pubs

Over in Ireland the government are offering up to E84, 000 via a grant to relocate to one of their many islands. The idea is to populate and farm these distant and probably very windy desolate outcrops. It’s a similar project carried out by Italy, Spain and Switzerland to repopulate smaller towns, whereby all that remains is bad mannered donkeys and walnut faced little old ladies. The trouble with Ireland’s carrot is the buildings are mostly derelict and it’d take most of the grant to make them livable. Get the students in

I see an Alabama 3 track coming on.

in fact…

Office space in London’s City mile is to be turned into cultural venues such as hotels and museums. Most of the older office buildings do not meet today’s energy efficient standards and thereby too costly to re-jig. Housing would be a good idea except there is a distinct lack of natural daylight, plumbing requirements and awkward spaces. What we need to do here is put them on wheels and move these awkward spaces to Ireland’s islands.

Ireland is just over there

New Zealand and China are in talks to become trade pals. Big guns Air New Zealand, which has the best in-flight pies by the way and gaming app Pikpop and fitness gurus Les Mills International, could soon find their way onto a Chinese menu. A-ha, but they won’t catch me with my trousers…

no menu can handle me mixed veg bacon n stilton soup

And lastly; Japan will lower their electric scooter license ages to 16 and require no driving license, plus increase speed limits form 15kmh to 20kmh. Who-hoo, beauty, who doesn’t like a bit of carnage. Didn’t The Smiths sing about that – ‘Panic on the streets of Tokyo, Panic on…’

Ok, gotta scoot to the shops with my shopping list: a plug, feather duster, belt and dog lead – the mind boggles

Till next time f-f-f-folks… keep ‘em peeled
Pip pip, ding-dong and ticketyboo
Keep it turning, keep it wheel – keep it radioprimco


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