Rant n Rave (writings)

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‘This wood is not for turning’ ‘Maggie not Colin’ Has anyone got any change for the jukebox. By crumbly, if I had a banana for every time someone asked me that, I’d have a lovely bunch of coconuts by June. Aye thank you Basil Rathbone. Meantime, grrr, on a random fold of crispy lettuce, let’s […]

‘I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy; we fought ourselves. And the enemy was in us.’‘Platonic Podcast Painters’ …through the shadows he shifted, cradled with urgency.  Stealth and sharply accurate on a terrain less-trodden. Brushing pass the broad-leaved trees and skimming through the drooping fanned spears that popped from the murk […]

‘Ability is of little account without opportunity’‘Napoleon, no, not the little piggy one, the other one…x’ Purring on the side of what to do now, a-la a Milligan-esque end of skit pondering, ‘what are we going to do now?’ type thing. I sifted through throes of opening gambits capable of dislodging flip-flops across the globe […]

 ‘Blessed are the Cheesemakers’‘one of the big nose’s husband’ … Cheese, would you just get your head around it, if you can. Made from milk. A block of solid cheese from liquid. Liquid milk turns to hard, soft, by-crumbly cheese. It’s boggling, bonkers and as hard to fathom as folk who live in the TV. […]

‘Don’t run till you see the blues of his eyes’‘Bill Teachtoldyouso’ …a rounded stone moved, just ever so.  Off circular in shape, large enough to fill an adults hand, freckled silvery grey on a smooth black backdrop. Not alone, but sat disjointed atop two other stones of similar size, darker in colour harbouring a freckle-less […]

‘Onwards and onwards to Ninnyland and t’ North’‘C.S. Lewis no …-..-“ …sharp turn, right, circumvent the open. Keep close to the edge. If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking too much space… mutters a muttering from the woods, ‘whoa, rad’, he thinks. Keep thoughts clear, press on. Blocks of rock emerge from the […]

‘Nothing like the smell of cows first thing in the morning’‘Apackofcows Now’ Nothing quite like the smell of cows. It’s an early morning shaker. Stacked in a wholesome pungent plop of goodness. Me, I’d shovel it in spades, build my house out of it, have it for tea. Vic and Bob may prefer an onion […]

‘She put de lime in de coconut, she drank ’em bot’ up’‘Harry – he ain’t had my mackerel – Nilsson’ I’ll tell you what, cold beans aint hot. Spontaneous cooking is insane. Cooking for yourself blows the bejeeber-lid off. Experiment. Burn. Spice it up to factor sizzling nostril hairs on the sneeze. Go mental. Whoa, […]

‘Forgot about this bit’‘Don’t know who’ Our indecision is final. Ain’t that the truth… or is it. Who knows? Sixes and sevens is where I’m at this week. Aye, had one of those weeks. Not sure if to or fro-ing, coming or going, Aces high or low or if pots and pans really are if’s […]

‘I don’t like climate wiped out critters, I love ’em’‘The Extremes’ One degree, massive, beautiful. Bees fly into windows, late evening dog trots, flip flops slippery when sweat and no one cares about dykes lapping over Holland’s flaps. Still, I won’t be dipping me pinkies in the drink anywhere above or below the 53 degree […]


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